Discovering close family can happen unexpectedly, at any point in your life. Maybe through a surprise DNA match, or in my case, a casual phone call with an uncle. When it happens, you are shocked because you thought you had mastered Family 101 and knew all of your siblings, parents, or even your aunts and uncles. But you learn that you were kept in the dark, and now you know the truth. You discover family that you never knew you had. It can be wonderful!
In 1996 my mother, Margaret Mixon, unfortunately, passed away at the age of 54. Relatives arrived from out of state to show their respect at her going home celebration. At the funeral, I noticed that there was a man whom I had never seen before. My Aunt Alice, who was also in attendance, explained that this was Edward Spiller, their brother. I had heard of him but had never met him.
Unlike my mother and my Aunt Alice, who were both about 5 foot 2 inches and very fair-skinned, this man was towering at over 6 feet and was of a dark complexion. I was 30 years old at that time. Due to the funeral, I didn’t get the chance to get to know my Uncle Ed. After all, we were really strangers. This was just the beginning of my journey of discovering close family. By the way, others have experienced a similar journey. Check out Faith & Favor: Discovering Family at Fifty
Aunties, and Uncles and Cousins, Oh My!
Years later, in 2013, as my research into the Winters family was gaining ground, I reached out to my grandmother, Willie, who gave me Uncle Ed’s number. Uncle Ed lives in Texas. He was happy to hear from me and casually asked me if I had spoken to his siblings, my other aunts, and my uncle in Houston, Texas. At the time, I really didn’t know him that well. I was thinking to myself, that maybe he was losing his memory? Aunts and Uncles, in Texas? That can’t be right.
(Today we talk almost every week, and we laugh about this)
While speaking to him on that day, in my mind, I’m thinking, if my mom had other siblings, she would have told me. So, out of respect, I “explained” to him that all his siblings lived in Florida near my grandmother, and there were none in Texas. (Besides my mom and Uncle Ed, I knew of the 8 additional children my grandmother had with her second husband, Bandy Peoples. Aunt Alice was one of them. For the most part, they all lived in Florida). But he insisted, they were there, so “playing along”, I asked him their names.
To my surprise, he named them; five in all. Joaquina, Raphael, Rachel, Jewel, and Anella. I felt that the name Joaquina, Jewel, and Anella were just too unique for him to make up on the spot. My disbelief vanished instantly, but needless to say, I was beyond shocked. Here I was discovering close family at the age of 47. How do you emotionally and mentally deal with that?
Aunt Joaquina’s name is actually Spanish, meaning “God shall establish.” How fitting! Yes, God establishes, even though sometimes, we are left in the dark. Let that sink in.
By the way, my newly found aunts and uncle are phenomenal people and are doing some incredible things. To respect their privacy, I can’t go into detail, but I’m proud to be their nephew.
If you attended the 2019 Winters Family Reunion, then more than likely, you’ve met my Aunt Joaquina. We had an issue with catering for the event and needed an alternative. Then I learned that my Aunt Joaquina, in addition to other things, was also a professional chef and a caterer. I reached out to her in a pinch, and she stepped in to cater our event at the last minute. Talk about love! Love you, Aunt Kiki!!
There was a huge storm on the day of her catering, and unfortunately, it knocked out the power right in the middle of her cooking. Did that stop my aunt? Nope. She simply relocated to a facility that had a backup generator. She is driven for success. Other guests had issues with the storm as well. Therefore, our Friday evening event was slightly delayed. She persevered, pulled through, and her soul food was delicious! Or so I heard. I was so busy running around, and I hardly had time to eat. It was something else having BOTH sides of my family at the same event. (Read about the 2019 Family Reunion here)
Sorry for the disruption, now where was I? Back to my story…
Speaking to my Aunt for the First Time
Needless to say, I was shocked at the discovery of “new” family. My Uncle Ed then gave me Aunt Rachel’s number and told me to call her. I remember being so nervous, but I gathered up the courage and called her anyway. To my relief, she took my call and was so receptive, to which I was extremely grateful. She was so kind, and we spoke on the phone for quite a while.
With my mother passing away in 1996, here was my chance to reconnect with her, in a sense. In a way, totally unexpected, and unseen. What was this Aunt Rachel like? What were her siblings like? Did any of them look like my mom? Did they have her the same ways? I had a thousand questions.
First Time in Texas, 2013.
There was a planned reunion on my grandfather’s side, so I planned my 1st trip to Texas to coincide with the event. I would spend some time with my maternal grandmother, the Winters family (another story in itself), and with my newly found maternal grandfather’s side, the Spiller.
As it turns out, BOTH sides of my family have extensive presence and history in Texas. Similar to me, my Aunt Rachel also has a genealogist’s heart and has extensive research on my grandfather’s side.
I’ve got some great Spiller cousins and was able to spend some time to get to know them (See Spiller reunion picture at the bottom of this writing). But the icing on the cake was when I went to meet my mother’s siblings in person for the first time; at Aunts Rachel’s house that Saturday evening in 2013 for a welcome dinner. You would have thought that it would have been awkward, but quite the contrary, we had a blast!
To my delight, I was able to meet my four aunts, along with their spouses and their children, my 1st cousins; as several of them showed up. Their hospitality was as big as Texas itself. My maternal grandfather, Raphael Spiller, was their father, but they had a different mother, an extremely sweet lady and woman of God named Ruby.
They all received me with open arms, and grandmother Ruby informed me that my grandfather was a preacher and had his own church. She told me that my mother would call them periodically and they would chat.
What?!?!?
That meant that I had been left in the dark. Why was I just now discovering close family at the age of 47? I had no previous knowledge of any of this.
Those of you that have met me, know that I love to talk. A friend once told me that I have diarrhea of the mouth because my mouth just runs and runs. I’m a people person, so I’m proud of that. But this time? If my jaw could have dropped to the ground, it would have. I was speechless.
Grandma Ruby has a wealth of knowledge about my mother and she informed me of so much. Things I never knew. Maybe things my mother never opened up about. She also told me about my grandfather, who passed in 1985.
She even showed me pictures of him. I was grateful because I had never seen him or heard of him before. And although I was so ecstatic to meet my aunts, Grandma Ruby held my attention. As she spoke, I sat next to her, listening as if I were five years old and she was reading me a bedtime story. I kept thinking, again, and again; how was I now learning this at the age of 47?
But Wait, There is More
Then just when my heart was full, and I could barely take any more, one of them (I can’t remember who) drops another heart bomb on me. “Have you met your Aunt Gaylor?” To which I reply, “No. Who’s that?”. It turns out that I wasn’t done with my journey of discovery. My Aunt then tells me, “She is the child from your grandfather’s 2nd marriage with Velma Lee. Her children were Greg, Gary, Gaylor, and Charles.”
STOP IT !! I can’t make this stuff up.
Grandmother Ruby was from my grandfather’s 3rd marriage. She told me that grandpa Raphael had lived in Louisiana, where Aunt Gaylor’s side lived. Unfortunately, my Aunt Gaylor passed away in Jan of 2021. She was the president of the Louisiana chapter NAACP. Here is a news clip of her passing.
Grandmother Ruby told me that back in the day before they met, my grandfather was a chef. She told me that he stowed away on a ship, became its chef, and ended up somewhere in Europe where he lived for at least a year. So THAT’S why Aunt Joaquina and Rachel can cook like there is no tomorrow.
At this point, I wouldn’t be surprised if I received a phone from a guy with a British Accent. “ E’llo Govnah! I’m your bloody Uncle.”
I thought maybe I didn’t recollect my mother mentioning her siblings, so I asked my 2 brothers if they remembered hearing about them. Nope, they were just as surprised as I was. Maybe even more so.
My surprises weren’t over yet. Five years later, I would take an AncestryDNA test, and guess what? I would be discovering close family. But that’s an entirely different story. One day, I’ll blog about it, but not today.
Have you found any surprises in your family? Arny interesting discoveries? If so, I hope this encourages you to reach out to them if you haven’t already. Events like these can be positively life-changing. I know they were for me, and I now try to keep in communication with them. Let me know your story!
