Using DNA to Overcome Family Search Struggles

You’ve been searching for your family your entire life. You feel a need to know where you came from. It’s just natural. So far, you’ve been unsuccessful. Why don’t you use DNA to overcome your family search struggle? And if you take the right test, it can even do most of the heavy lifting for you.

DNA Excels at Identifying Family

I’m a genealogist, I trace history, events, and I study lines of family descent. I’ve also become proficient in using DNA, which is a very valuable tool to have in your arsenal. But the magic really begins when you combine these two. It’s called genetic genealogy, and it’s in a class all by itself. You can now find your lineage using traditional research and living people using DNA.

So while using DNA is great for discovering your ethnicity, it excels at identifying family. But to do so, you might need to become your own detective.

Let me clarify. If you grew up in the same household, or at least know both of your biological parents and all of your siblings, you’re ahead of the game. But not every relationship ends in a Happily Ever After.  Life can be complicated. And that’s where DNA comes in. That’s also where I come in. I find people FOR people by using DNA and interpreting its language to identify how they connect with their DNA matches.

However, everyone’s story is not the same. Sometimes the cases are simple, and other times, not so much. The tougher cases might require a researcher with advanced detective skills. Regardless of the situation, the first thing is to start with a simple DNA test. Don’t worry; the tests no longer hurt, as they simply require saliva. Yes, spit can solve your family mysteries.

And not just YOUR mysteries. There are millions of adoptees or people with an NPE looking for their biological parents. In this case, using DNA works best after the test takers display their actual names, connect their results to trees, and allow the software to display matches. A new DNA match could be the one hope for someone that takes them closer to their answers. I know. I’ve worked the cases on more than one occasion.

Before I begin, I want to mention that some genealogists will tell you that they succeed because of their skills. There can be lots of truth in that. But sometimes, it’s just pure dumb luck. It doesn’t matter to me as long as a case is solved.

Sometimes the research requires DNA detective skills. Other times, it’s just pure dumb luck. It doesn’t matter to me as long as the case is solved.

Get Ancestry DNA and Start your own journey of Discovery

A Quick Fact About Nicknames.

One of my first “clients” was my youngest brother, Michael Mixon. Michael was born 2 years after me, and I’m the middle child. Our oldest brother is Jacoby, who is 3 years older than me. All three of us carry the last name of Mixon. Jacoby went by the nickname Coby. My nickname was Lenny. This information seems trivial, but it’s crucial for this blog. Read on.

My relatives only use my nickname in Tampa, who have called me that as long as I’ve been alive. Some didn’t even know my real name until recent years. If the phone rings and someone calls me Lenny, 1000 % it’s my family from Florida; aunts, uncles, and my 1st cousins. There are three exceptions. The first are my brothers, and the second is my niece, Staci. She was partially raised by my mother as a child, so she has always called me Uncle Lenny.

The third is one of my wife’s sisters, Cheryl. She knew my mother, and because of that, she would call me “Lenny, Lenny, Lenny!!”. But even she gave up that nickname and now just calls me “Len-Len.” 

My wife always hated the nickname Lenny, as she thought it sounded childish. Because of this, over time, she made sure it was buried. So now, except for my Florida family and the aforementioned, NOBODY calls me Lenny.

Growing up, whenever Michael would do something ridiculous, Jacoby would always tease him and say that it was because he had a different father. The three of us would then laugh and carry on. We were just kids back then.

Using DNA to Solve Family Puzzles

Growing up, whenever Michael would do something ridiculous, Jacoby would always tease him and say that it was because he had a different father. The three of us would then laugh and carry on. We were just kids back then.

My mother passed when I was 30, and any hope of finding answers to the questions we should have asked her when she was alive were dashed. As adults, we were now forced to compare notes and reach our own conclusion on matters of family. One of those matters was about Michael’s birth father. Did he really have a different father? Jacoby recollected from his youth that he had heard a name growing up of “Nulin.”

“How do you spell that?” I asked. “Ummm hmmm.” He would say, which is the African American vernacular for saying I don’t know. We would visit the subject from time in casual conversation. We would all shrug our shoulders and go on with our lives.

Over the years, I became heavily involved in genealogy and performed exhaustive research on the Mixon family. In 2016, while on a business trip to South Carolina, I visited the state history centers to trace the Mixon lineage further. I had a breakthrough and felt like a genealogist champion! I could do anything. Or so I thought. So I went back to my brother, Jacoby, and asked him about Michael’s father again. He then remembered that he was called “bunny.” How do you spell that? I asked.   “Ummm hmmm.”

So I used my genealogist skills to research a “Bunny Nulin.” I kept finding all of these 1950 era yearbook photos of white girls named Bunny. Then, there was the issue with the last name. What was the correct way of spelling “Nulin”?  Fortunately, I found my mother’s social security application record in research, which listed all of her last names. There were a few surprises there, which I won’t go into, but there was my answer in black and white. Newland. Jacoby was right! Sort of.

With this newly found information, all I had to do was use my skills and research “Bunny Newland” in the states of New York or Florida. We had lived in both places before moving to Los Angeles in 1976. The name of Bunny for a guy is extremely unusual, so I knew it would be easy. And guess what I found!! …….Nothing. At least nothing concrete. All of my findings were pure speculation.

DNA Can Solves those Family Mysteries

With the paper trail extremely exhausted, I decided to try using DNA. Specifically, I turned to Ancestry DNA. Its tool are straightforward to use without being a rocket scientist. So I ordered a kit and had it sent to Michael via his daughter, Staci.  I reside in Washington, and Michael lives in Los Angeles. Staci is level-headed and can be trusted to follow through, even when Michael isn’t. “Staci, please make sure Michael takes this DNA test. And Help him because he will look at it and throw it away.” “OK, Uncle Lenny,” she said. 

By this time, with all of these years gone by, Michael was very frustrated with the subject of finding this “father” person. Convincing him to take the DNA test took some persuasion by Staci and me. I can’t write his actual response in this blog as this site is PG. So, I will have to paraphrase his words. “This had better work because this subject is getting old. Can you find out or not?”. I told him there were no guarantees, but be patient because the test takes six-eight weeks.

That was the longest 6 weeks ever since the creation of man. Mike would ask me often if the test was back, and I had to keep reminding him that it took 6 weeks. Finally, his ancestry test comes back, and I open the website to read the results. Then Michael calls me almost on queue and asks the inevitable. “What did you find out? Does it show who my father is? What does it say?”. Well, after reviewing his DNA matches, the truth is that I wasn’t sure. So, scratching my head, I replied: “Ummm mmm.”

Well, that didn’t go over very well, and Michael lost it. I was sooo glad we were in different states. All I had to do was patiently wait until he finished ranting, then I said. “I’ll let you know if I find anything else.” CLICK. He hung up on me. 

It’s a misconception that using DNA tests will have a bright flashing arrow saying BIRTH PARENTS FOUND HERE! The power of the tests are in the DNA matches that are revealed. If the right people haven’t taken a test, you might not immediately get the answers you are looking for.

What I didn’t mention before is that I had all 3 of us take AncestryDNA tests. Over time I would also submit AncestryDNA kits for Stacy and my three children, my wife, daughter-in-law, her mom and grandmother, my uncle, and a bunch of other relatives. I’ve spent a small fortune on DNA kits which is why I’ve been able to trace the Winters lineage as well as I have. Using DNA just makes things easier.

The first thing I noticed was that it revealed Michael was actually (GASP) Afro- Jamaican ?!?! My father, Wesley Mixon, was definitely not Jamaican, so that proved my theory. Next, I would start to use my detective skills to review his DNA matches. A new match appeared within a day or so, and AncestryDNA identified her as Michael’s 2-3rd cousin. She didn’t match with Jacoby or me, so I knew she had to be from Michael’s side. So on Monday, March 26, 2018, I used the Ancestry.com communication system and sent her the message below, including my email and phone number.

A picture is worth a thousand words. In this case, this is a picture OF words, so you know I’m not making this up. She read it at 12:18 am and replied at 11:13 pm. Her reply was the vital information that I needed. I was off and running.

The Right Tool for the Job

With today’s technology, you can find almost anyone if you know how to look. Using the detective skills I learned from the Facebook Group DNA Detectives, I researched the names that Marlene had provided. After confirming that all of the names appeared on the report, I began to scan for contact info. Next, all that was left was to call them out of the blue.

Was this Michael’s family? Was using DNA really this simple? What were the odds? If so, what do I say? Before I picked up the phone, I knew that this would be one of the most awkward conversations that I would ever make. What do I say? “Umm, hi, I’m looking for my brother’s family. Are you his father?” Seriously?? What would I say? The good news is that I’m a people person, so I don’t mind reaching out to strangers. This seemed different, though. It took a few calls before I reached someone who didn’t take me as a scam.

(Side note: In truth, I now make similar calls all the time. I’ve become quite proficient at it. LOL)

When making calls like this, I place them on speakerphone to record them. The call went something like this.

“Umm, Hello, sir. I apologize for this call if you aren’t the correct person, but, My name is Leonard, and I’m looking for Bunny Newland? Do you know him? He is supposed to be my brothers’ father.” (Shaky Voice)

Like the show, Everybody hates Chris would say, what came next would shock the black off me,

“Yes, I know him. He is my brother. Who is this? Is this Coby? “ The man asked with a Jamaican accent. I was shocked but managed to get out, “No, I’m his brother.” He then asked, “Oh, is this Lenny?” (You now know why I spent so much time with the nicknames)

Then, I struggled to talk, but nothing came out. It was as if I had the wind knocked out of me. And now, by using DNA, I was completely frozen in animation, time, and space. Luckily, my wife Antoinette was in the adjacent room and noticed I had suddenly gone mute. Overhearing the conversation and knowing I was cold calling, she came in and rescued me. “Talk to him!” she said. I tried but was too stunned.

A million memories of my childhood flashed in my mind, and I was struggling to regain control. Here was a man that knew my mother and my past even though I had long forgotten. In my rescue, Antoinette answered, “Hello, I’m sorry, but I think he is stunned right now. Yes, he is Lenny”.

Then all joy was released.

A Dream Come True, DNA and You

What transpired after that was like a fairy tale. We spoke and laughed with emotions everywhere. Then, as we were chatting, another call came in on my phone. I answered it, and it was Marlene calling to introduce herself. I then put the three of us on a conference call. As it turns out, Marlene knew of the Newlands but had never met them. Using DNA, even she was able to connect to her lost family. It was quite the conversation, the three of us chatting away as total strangers.

Wait! Then it hit me. I had to get Michael in on this. After all, this was his family. I place them on hold, call Michael and tell him I have a surprise for him. At that moment, he was driving in the car with his wife and Staci. The phone was on speaker.

“Hey Michael, guess who I have on the phone? I’ll let them you”. When I connected them, Michael said, “Hello, who is this?” And the conversation and emotions started all over again.

I couldn’t see him, but Michael was speechless and emotional. So his daughter and wife have to speak for him for a while. I guess Michael and I really DO share the same DNA after all. We both froze up like deer in the headlights.

“See, I told Michael, “and you basically cursed me out when I suggested using DNA and when I told you about the initial DNA results. “

Family Reunion

Marlene planned a reunion on July 21, 2018, in Florida, and we all flew out. That was exactly three years ago from this writing. Words can’t express, but I don’t need them to. I have pictures of the event. I can tell you this. Marlene and Michael are definitely related because they have the same ways. It’s uncanny.

Michael’s father’s real name was Harley Newland. The man I had connected to was Alwyn Newland, Michael’s Uncle. He informed me that His brother Harley had passed away in Aug of 2011, seven years earlier. He then informs me that they had been looking for Harley’s only child, Michael, since 1976, to no avail. this is because they were looking for a Michael Newland. They didn’t know that my mother had legally changed Michael’s name to Mixon. Hopefully, this gives my readers some idea. We also found out that Michael has some of the exact traits of his father. Using DNA, We had found his family. And DNA doesn’t lie.

Next case, please.